Unrest

Well, this is a new one. It is Sunday, October 24, 2021. I am writing to and through this journal, I almost wrote journey there, to express some thouights outside of myself. In the chance that any of this has made it’s way into the hearts and minds of people who care, I am doing great. It has been a somewhat solitary path but I am glad I have kept to keeping what I feel like in my soul is a path to the art of my times. It is not the only path but a path nonetheless. For me if you have read anything else I have written you know that this to me is life and art coming together in what I identify as life art or simply living. With mindfulness rising in the west and so many who share daily experiences through social media this is the idea. To live as a life artist. An artist of my times. Where it all goes from here is news to me. I have some ideas but no one really knows, not even me. I feel the gravitas in writing that to you here. I am not here to make anyone else into me or a copy of me. I am my own person. We each are. I do think life art is a cogent statement of fact in my life time. I set down some of the acrylic paintings I was making and the guitar and vocal music that I was making and just began to think of all of it, those practices included as art. Some will say as they have always said that if everything is art somehow things are rendered meaningless. I disagree. I think it is all beautiful in its essence and that life experience becomes staticky with ignorance and unconsciousness. If you are an art historian reading this to do research on me for your work I send a cheerful delighted happy smile to you and wish you well on your journey. I have let go at this particular time of trying to talk with curators. It does not have seemed to help me in ways that are evident. The ones I met with gave me some hints or ideas for how I did not want to be but a lot of it was up to my own positive mindset and confidence in myself that has led to this point. I see now that it is not up to me as to whether or not society or anyone ever recognizes the work I have done here probably most in earnest from 2018 when I stopped exhibiting, wrote the essay “The Exhibition is Dead” which next to no one seemed to read. I have since come back to understand the power and importance of exosomatic and explicit knowledge in the forms of exhibitions but I did need to go through that experience of letting it go completely in order to break away from its grip and the illusion that anyone outside of myself like curators, other artists, or directors had any real influence on what I deemed and deem to be real and worth my time. The energy that is with me is pure and clear. I see life art as an actual thing. My hope has always been to be a part of a movement in my times or to set the stage for later movements to take place, to contribute in other words constructively to the ongoing story of art while also transcending it and becoming as Einstein said, a person of value in the world and whatever if anything underlies it and which it is a step towards. To anyone out there trying to do what I have done (if I prove to be objectively successful) please go with your own soul. That is the secret. I have utilized Marcel Duchamp and John Cage as buoys in the sea of the mind but ultimately I had to swim my own length in order to become the person and artist I am today. Next to no one knows who I am. I have a contact network and sometimes it seems, I get glimmers here and there that this work that I am living every breath of my life is going to be recognized. I think it is VERY healthy to talk how wishes like these exist and are a part of why one does work if that is the case. I have been ever so cognizant of the world in which I live since having my breakdown and awakening. It was a breakthrough. Also I very much hope that one or more really good movies has been made about me and my life and my life’s work. It is bigger than me but I also wish to tell the story of my own personal journey. One would be wise to follow the second book I wrote Life Art as a guide for that. I hope that this blog has surviced in its entirety and provided scholars with a rich bevy of information firsthand from which to draw from in their scholarship. I hope going forward that I can write ever more precise essays, journals and papers in academic and scholarly journals that it on and pin point all of this material. My choice to be a librarian is my life as art. I am listening to music by Leon Vynehall at this precise moment of writing, a song called Trouble- Parts I, II, and III (Chapter V).